Blogalongabond #9: The Man with the Golden Gun

We’re nine months into the glorious process that is Blogalongabond, and I can’t think of anything more substantial that one could achieve in that period of time. Roger Moore’s second entry is one that I’m predisposed to liking simply because it lends itself neatly to many of my pre-defined categories.  I also have fond childhood memories of Bond’s battle with Scaramanga – but that hasn’t exactly proved an accurate barometer of quality so far, has it.

Title Sequence: Is it just me, or have the title sequences got intensely dull by this point in the series. At least last month we had a great song to be played over them, but this is just pure monotony. This is one of the occasions that I’d advocate not having the title of the film in the theme song, if it doesn’t work, it just doesn’t work.

Meeting 007: How very Madame Tussauds. The first Bond we meet is actually just a model, and one that Scaramanga takes pleasure in removing the fingers from. I rather like the first Bond we meet not being the real one, it suggests that Bond’s on the back foot from the word go and that he’s facing a worthy foe…which isn’t always the case.

MI6: M reestablishes his authority over Bond by calling him into the office to relieve him of duty, which is certainly a step up from the imbalanced relationship in Live and Let Die (but isn’t everything a step up then, relatively speaking). Sadly no great gadgets for Bond, his adversary gets all the good toys instead. Q just plays with a microscope (and brings the LOLs). Lazy Q.

Car: Wow, way to balls up a good car chase. The sound effects are ridiculous, and won’t this Pepper fellow fuck off already? I’m more interested in Scaramanga’s vehicle anyway, because it’s gold and that. Oh, and it only turns into a motherfudging plane! Seriously, how cool are Scaramanga’s toys. I wonder who makes all the cars though?

Pussy Galore?: Lets not waste time talking about Andrea Anders, she’s pretty but dull – pretty dull. Let’s instead talk about Britt Eklund’s abomination of a Bond girl. Inept, embarrassing, superfluous. Mary Goodnight would have been a much more satisfying character if she’d taken a bullet.

Villain: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. A proper villain! A proper actor! He’s the best baddie we’ve had since Goldfinger (because Blofeld was never the same after we saw his face). Among the many criticisms I’ve read levelled at TMWTGG, I’ve yet to see anyone slag off either the character of Scaramanga, or Lee’s performance. And finally we’re given a legitimate reason for a villain not offing our hero when giving the chance – Bond represents his greatest challenge. He’s Moore’s Dr No, except with a much cooler weapon.

Henchmen: In the novelty henchmen stakes, I much prefer Oddjob, but it’s also clear why Nick Nack is a character who’s endured. He’s good fun, and well-judged fun at that…and fun is something that this series seems to misjudge on a regular basis.

Chums: Bond’s mate in Bangkok is a karate expert, and his name is Lieutenant Hip. That’s good enough for me.

International Man of Mystery: Nick Nack is obvz the inspiration for Mini Me, and again we have a villain with a glorious secret base. In all seriousness though, I don’t think there’s too much on show that’s great enough to spoof, or bad enough to ridicule. What we have here is a thoroughly average Bond.

Best Bit: Oooh, shiny.

Current Bondometer Ranking: 6th (Bonds Ranked: 9)


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